BRUNDIGGITY

or maybe just a mess period. Here’s the deal, I have a good life overall, and I’m very grateful for all the things in it (even if I complain sometimes). But I’ve been in a very melancholy mood as of late and all I feel like is being sad and posting lyrics from overtly emotional songs that I feel really capture how I “feel” right now. Songs about rain, and the inability to breathe, know what I mean? I’m like a tumblr photo of train tracks with a helvetica type quote on it that has this really deep meaning. I’m letting Florence + the Machine and Adele’s delicious melodramatics take over my entire psyche.

That’s about to be over though, not the listening to Florence/Adele, that’ll never end. The feelings however, all 70 000 of them need to be stowed away in a pretty little box somewhere in the far back. It’s time to pull up my invisible bootstraps and put the pieces of whatever is broken back together. Even if I maybe want to leave some of them strewn on the ground like Hansel and Gretel hoping to find their way back home. It’s time for Britney Spears and the dancing, definitely the dancing.

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This is going to be a long one, you’ve been warned. It’s late and I’m wired.

When it comes to relationships, men, boys, et al. I make a lot of mistakes, and they tend to be quite extreme–not necessarily the mistakes, but the certainly the risks that lead to those mistakes. The irony of it all is I’m not a person who lives by extremes, in fact I tend to veer away from them in all other aspects of my life. That’s not to say I don’t take risks, I do, just calculated and well-thought out ones; I’m not the ‘fly by the seat of my pants’ type. When it comes to men, it seems I throw logic right out the window and the baby with the bathwater.

I believe there are lessons to be learned, and that every failure is an opportunity to grow but the past year of my life have been a whirlwind of unnecessary lessons learned and damage done. It’s like I’m trying to catch up (to what I have no idea), or tick items off a checklist I didn’t know I was keeping. So, just a few short weeks ago I decided in a moment of clarity that it was time for  a break. I needed to take time away from dating to sort out my mind. Time I could now refocus back onto me, my friends, my goals, and my career. (ME ME ME) But first, I’d have one last hoorah, go out with a bang!

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Dating – I suck at it.  Much more so when I actually like the person (no, don’t worry the ridiculousness of that statement isn’t lost on me).  This is a fact I’m well aware of, and just learning to live with.

The post-first date period of time where I have no idea where I stand, this is the worst. Even more so when you’re plagued with the thought that maybe the other person was just being nice and not in fact enjoying your company*.

I wish this was easier, but then it probably wouldn’t be as entertaining for my friends.

I know I can be a little much, maybe even a bit over the top (dramatic – ha!), but that’s part of the fun isn’t it? and it’s kind of what makes me me.

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