Risky business

Lesson of the day c/o brundiggity:

Take risks, take lots of them. Do things that you’re afraid to do so that you don’t ever spend a day wondering “what if?”

This has been a truly hard lesson to learn, but the more risks I’ve taken, the more I’ve gotten to know and truly appreciate the person I am, and that is undeniably worth every single risk.

Take chances, take a lot of them. Because honestly, no matter where you end up and with whom, it always ends up just the way it should be. Your mistakes make you who you are. You learn and grow with each choice you make. Everything is worth it. Say how you feel, always. Be you, and be okay with it.

-unknown

They’re dementors!

Expecto Patronum then chocolate. Problem solved.

I’ve recently stumbled upon a correlation that is VERY important.

In life, when things go bad and you feel like your soul has been sucked right out of you, you have some chocolate and it makes you feel better.

In Harry Potter after the Dementors come by and do their whole soul-sucking thing, you have some chocolate and it makes you feel better.

HOW DID I NOT NOTICE THIS BEFORE?!?!

The joy of drawing

It’s official, gone are the days of digital drawing via trackpad. Today my new Wacom Intuos4 graphics tablet arrived, and after spending the last 3 hours playing with it, I’m in love. The same kind of love I felt the first time I used a mac.

I’ve wanted a graphics tablet for years, and now, just a few short hours into having one, I’m wondering why it took me so long to get around to it. Get ready 3 readers, I’m about to get all crafty on your asses. Imma start to draw soo many happy little trees I might  break out a Bob Ross fro.

Beautiful mess

or maybe just a mess period. Here’s the deal, I have a good life overall, and I’m very grateful for all the things in it (even if I complain sometimes). But I’ve been in a very melancholy mood as of late and all I feel like is being sad and posting lyrics from overtly emotional songs that I feel really capture how I “feel” right now. Songs about rain, and the inability to breathe, know what I mean? I’m like a tumblr photo of train tracks with a helvetica type quote on it that has this really deep meaning. I’m letting Florence + the Machine and Adele’s delicious melodramatics take over my entire psyche.

That’s about to be over though, not the listening to Florence/Adele, that’ll never end. The feelings however, all 70 000 of them need to be stowed away in a pretty little box somewhere in the far back. It’s time to pull up my invisible bootstraps and put the pieces of whatever is broken back together. Even if I maybe want to leave some of them strewn on the ground like Hansel and Gretel hoping to find their way back home. It’s time for Britney Spears and the dancing, definitely the dancing.

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Mistakes I didn’t think I was making

This is going to be a long one, you’ve been warned. It’s late and I’m wired.

When it comes to relationships, men, boys, et al. I make a lot of mistakes, and they tend to be quite extreme–not necessarily the mistakes, but the certainly the risks that lead to those mistakes. The irony of it all is I’m not a person who lives by extremes, in fact I tend to veer away from them in all other aspects of my life. That’s not to say I don’t take risks, I do, just calculated and well-thought out ones; I’m not the ‘fly by the seat of my pants’ type. When it comes to men, it seems I throw logic right out the window and the baby with the bathwater.

I believe there are lessons to be learned, and that every failure is an opportunity to grow but the past year of my life have been a whirlwind of unnecessary lessons learned and damage done. It’s like I’m trying to catch up (to what I have no idea), or tick items off a checklist I didn’t know I was keeping. So, just a few short weeks ago I decided in a moment of clarity that it was time for  a break. I needed to take time away from dating to sort out my mind. Time I could now refocus back onto me, my friends, my goals, and my career. (ME ME ME) But first, I’d have one last hoorah, go out with a bang!

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oh lady, it ez like reaching for ze chips but bag ez empty

I miss you. It hasn’t even been a day and I miss you so damn much. Maybe because I know it’s the first of many days, days that very quickly will become weeks, and then months.

In my life, in 25 years, you are the best one. Now you’re gone and everything just hurts, and I know that it’s not the end because I don’t believe for a second that this could be it, but that doesn’t change this feeling.

Men in belted khakis with tucked-in shirts

Who thought this was a good idea?

There’s nothing attractive about khakis. Oh, and seriously why must some men pair it with a matching khaki vest and/or bucket hat, it just makes you look like you think you’re on safari, you’re not, stop.

I don't care what the Gap says, there's nothing that exciting about a pair of pants.

Friend like me.

It's ok, you weren't my favourite disney prince anyways.

the worst – or maybe just the not so fun part

Dating – I suck at it.  Much more so when I actually like the person (no, don’t worry the ridiculousness of that statement isn’t lost on me).  This is a fact I’m well aware of, and just learning to live with.

The post-first date period of time where I have no idea where I stand, this is the worst. Even more so when you’re plagued with the thought that maybe the other person was just being nice and not in fact enjoying your company*.

I wish this was easier, but then it probably wouldn’t be as entertaining for my friends.

I know I can be a little much, maybe even a bit over the top (dramatic – ha!), but that’s part of the fun isn’t it? and it’s kind of what makes me me.

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Novel thought of the day.

I'm not saying I'm into Chuck, but really, there's nothing manlier than grease and a leather vest.

So apparently I’m to smart for my own good. Or rather, not too smart, too strong. I scare men.

In my constant (ha – maybe not so much constant as passive) search for betterment and improvement, I like to get constructive criticism. Today was no different. Today, I asked a man* who I’ve dated (the term being used very loosely here because of a very special set of circumstances that will forever limit this ‘relationship’ to a largely physical realm)  what his honest opinion of me was, I knew that being who he is he would not spare my emotions and his exact response (or at least the portion of it that most intrigued me) was:

“I’m an arrogant asshole, so I don’t have a problem, but you do come off as a strong woman, which does intimidate some men.”

This is why I date assholes. Continue reading